Wednesday, January 04, 2006 . 9:08 PM

the bus ride home was horrible. i kept holding back my tears but still they were flowing. i knew people were looking so i covered my face. i held on till i alighted. everywhere i go it would remind me of our past. the things we used to do, the sweet memories we share. my eyes turned red when i saw the place where i first held your hands two years back. i tried my best. i've given my all. all i hope for is you to spend more time with me. maybe you're happier without me now. if its true then that's all right. to see you living the way you wanted, living joyfullly, somehow in my heart i'll be happy too.

my birthday wish was hoping that you could spent more time with me. my christmas wish was hoping that we would never be apart. i prayed so hard. i really did. i kept crying myself to sleep. i hoped that that fateful day would never come. i kept lying to myself things will be alright in the new year. but it never was.

our memories kept spinning in my mind. that feeling of lonliness kept piercing through my heart. i really could not accept the fact that you're gone. the whole day i kept encouraging myself to keep holding and moving on, so that someday we could be together again.

i'm really happy to have you by my side all these years. you made me feel special. i still remembered that rainy day when we first shared an unbrella, that special night when we first kissed. i really want to thank you for pulling me up when i was really down, standing by me even you know i was wrong. i apologise as i feel i didn't do enough for you. sometimes which i know i could do better but i didn't. i'm sorry.

i missed those days when we quarrel. its been so many months since we had a fight. quarrels break my heart, but at the same time, it drew me closer to you. i feel i can never never live without you. i cross my heart and swear to die, you'll always be the only one i truly loved in my life.

still, i love you and i always will.