Monday, January 30, 2006 . 2:00 PM
i collected 9 angpaos in total. wooo. lols. damn little can...okay. i went drinking with siying last night. not really drinking session, but a time for me to get to know her better. we only had long island tea, tequila sunrise, a jug of carlsberg. there were sparkles in her eyes when i looked into them, making me just wanting to stare at her for the whole night... when she smile, my heart skipped a beat. absolutely lovin' it! i tried to make her smile alot and i guess my heart almost completely stopped beating last night. it was so mesmerizing... hahas...
i'm worried for the dcnk test i'm having on thursday. i must not fail! i really must study hard so that i can stay in my course and .... blar blar.
anyway, will be off to daryl's house tonight for blackjack. wish me good luck! hahaha.
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4 words to describe siying ... " one of a kind "
Saturday, January 28, 2006 . 4:56 PM
okay, anyone knows where to buy giant pocky please tag at the board. i remember eating it long ago but i don't know where to get it.
help help help ! i want giant pocky !
anyway, gong xi fa cai to you guys reading my blog! hong pao na lai! hahaha!
wish you guys all the best in whatever you do and money will keep rolling to you! lol.
Friday, January 27, 2006 . 11:23 AM
i went for my workplace's chalet last night at aranda country club. they had a barbeque dinner. best part was the cheese sausages, not really delicious but if you barbeque a cheese sausage, the cheese would ooze out. when you bite it, the cheese will squirt out. hee hee.. cool huh. think dirty man!i drank many plastic cups of red wine. too many bottoms up and my face got really red. mind you, red wine is 15% alcoholic. made from grapes, should be healthy right... lols.
pictures will be uploaded soon. i'm now in school, in the middle of a lesson. freaking boring. the teacher ain't doing anything.
i found the cutest gurl in the world. her name is si ying. she's in the same course as me. total workaholic... hahas. i think she's quite funny, the way she smses. she's a make-up pro too. kinda flawless.
gonna get a powder foundation next week using my "angpao's" money. going to batam with my family to shop next monday. gonna get lots of burberrys and levi's stuff. the goods there are genuine. the reason why a levi's jeans is so cheap(S$30) because they have a factory there. so yeah, gonna shop like mad! haha!
life is good for me now. friends are so important. to all those who knows me, i love you guys! haha! thanks for hanging out with me, especially geri, edwin, zhixin and lynn. i'm smokin' high everyday. call me out for a drink anyone... pubs not clubs.
that's all for today. god bless me to study hard. byeeeee !
Tuesday, January 24, 2006 . 8:52 PM
why i haven't been updating.-work during weekends
-bloody projects
-lazy
yes! i got mc for two days! woohoo! no school for me tomorrow!
i've been smoking more and more. omg. time to cut down. cutting my fats down but taking more nicotine.. no goooooodd.... lol.
well, i do still think of her now and then. she's still in my heart, but i'm slowly erasing it away, leaving just sweet memories we had for me to smile sometimes. my heart aches even when i type this.. haiz.
met a new smoking buddy call lynn. she's a really nice person staying two bus-stops away from me. hmmmmm..... lol.
chinese new year coming really soon! going to batam... *boring*
going to a chalet this thursday. barbeque food... *yummy*
gonna get foundation with justin next week! haha.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006 . 9:12 PM
hey i'm not lying to myself or anything now. but starting from this morning, i feel that life's going good for me. i feel brand new. i don't listen to noisy music anymore. i never felt so refreshed. school is damn fun! almost got caught smoking with geraldine at staircase but managed to run away... it was then followed by a dramatic hour between geri and her ex boyfriend. that fucking guy got me and my neighbour, edwin involved. fucking childish. so old already still acting like one secondary school gangster keep wanting be beat us up! heh heh. retard !!!after school, i went swimming with edwin. had sauna/steam bath after the swim. darn refreshing! we said we'll live like kings from tonight onwards! hahas... tomorrow jogging and thursday gym! woo hoo... next monday shopping! poor me, must work on friday, saturday and sunday. 3 more kilos to lose... then will be a perfect 55! yay ...
feeling great! even my mum's cooking taste pleasant now! finally i can learn to live the fullest! anyone staying around me welcome to join me too! lolx.
gonna take some pictures on thursday when i go swimming with edwin again... i must learn to live professionally! yayness! ^_^ yay i got to work as a bar staff on sunday ... lolx. here's some pics..
Sunday, January 15, 2006 . 12:35 PM
okay, i went drinking last night after work with adam,alan and irene. i got very drunk as usual. its been so long since i touched beer. after many rounds of carlsberg, they got a bottle of tequila. i drank a few shots and got really high. all the time i was uttering her name, kept taking out my phone hoping she would leave me a message. while i was playing darts, i felt like taking one and just cut myself. i'm so useless, i can't even win her heart back. no matter what i do, her response is the same. her reaction was cold, so cold that it froze my heart forcing tears coming out from my eyes.its been a torture. i'm taking it the hard way to learn how to love somebody. now that i know, i do cherish her, she's gone. last few days i learnt that i can't turn back time. if she's mine, i really hope that she would return to me in the future. i guess i'll have to let nature takes its course now. no use worrying so much. whether as her boyfriend or good friend, i'll be there for her, i promise.
in this post, i really wanna thank adam, alan and irene for taking care of me last night. all of them were constantly consoling me. i ought to buy you drinks next saturday. sorry and thank you. thanks for being there when i really needed someone to talk to.
i vomited all over the place outside the lounge. it's such a mental torture when you fall out of love and be drunk at the same time. i vomitted again outside my house. i remember standing there and cry for 20 minutes before going into my house. i undressed and jumped onto my bed. before i cried to sleep again, i whispered " good night darling ", just like i do every night, just like i did in the past.
baby i realise the only way to truly love you is to let you go. if you ever need me, just gimme a call... all the best to your future happiness. i'll still be there for you like always.
if you're happy, i'll be happy too.
if you're sad, i'll be there for you.
i love you and i always will.
Saturday, January 14, 2006 . 12:58 PM
baby i believe the things you say,so i'll wait for that very day.
the hope you've given me to keep on living,
our happy future is all i'll be seeing.
everyday i pray you'll have a change of heart,
come back to me we'll have a new start.
i'll spend my life protecting you, loving you,
how i wish i could tear my heart out to show you i'm true...
working today back at the restaurant. loathe it but it's better than nothing. gonna save alot of money so when she returns to me i can buy her everything she likes. yes, you all can continue calling me stupid, i don't care. she's the one for me, she knows it. i'll do anything for her, she knows it. people, don't discourage me anymore. i'm living on this little hope she's giving me...
thanks to all those peeps that encouraged me. i'll continue to press on even times are tough. in the future, this blog will be dedicated to her. why so? beacause she's the reason why i'm living my life now. haiz.. just hope that one day she'll understand and comes back to me. i'm really different now. i changed, i'm not the old me. so i really hoped that she'll give me one more chance... haizzz...
Friday, January 13, 2006 . 5:54 PM
i really miss her. she's been in my mind all day. i miss holding her hands. i lost the warmth in my heart. i'm going to win her heart back and not just sit here to wait and do nothing.one words can describe the feelings i have for her. when i say "i love you" to her, i really meant more than that. There's never a minute where i fail to miss her. almost every moment that cheery smile would flash across my mind.
i just need a chance. dear god please bless me. AMEN.
Thursday, January 12, 2006 . 11:07 PM
although she left me, i promise myself to wait for her. the feelings i have for her run as deep as blood in my veins. she's the most important person in my life. she's the one whom i see i'll have a future with, the one i see who'll grow old with me. i'll be happy just to see her smile.i'll still continue to pray everyday that she'll return to me one day. i don't care whether my life revolves around her or anything. she's my life, my hope and my motivation to work hard in everything. we're good friends now, but i'll cherish her like no other, for in my heart i know that she's the special one, the one and only girl that could steal my heart and take my breathe away.
i'm madly in love, this feeling is just like the one i had when i first set my eyes on her.
"baby how i wish we could start anew, forget about the past and strode into our very own future which i'll create with my undying love for you."
all i need is another chance. chance oh chance, please come soon, i don't wanna be lonely no more, let me set your heart on fire again.
i'll wait wait wait. my love for her has definitely grew stronger after she left me. it's then i realise how much she meant to me. i was wrong in the past, i hated myself for that. i'm changing now, for her.
baby if you're reading this, i just wanna let you know that no one can replace you in my heart.
i truly love you. haizz...
Monday, January 09, 2006 . 7:01 PM
i can predict everything. i can see it coming. i'm already prepared to be disappointed. but who cares. my friend told me today that i shouldn't be thinking too much, shouldn't be stressing myself so much, because if i do, diseases like cancer will come quickly to me. so don't be surprised if i get cancer next year or so, and if i die, please remember me, i'll be happy. let's all hope that i'll get brain tumour or lung cancer or something. i feel so unwanted in this fucking shit world that the super god created.he never really answered any of my prayer. the time he does is when i had already broken down. it's really hard to pick myself up again, trying to savour the things i prayed for being granted. fuck that man. this world is sick. before i even try to make things up, he had already granted me the death sentence. i'm so condemned.
i feel so proud of myself being able to take all these shits i'm going through right now. really.
i've said it once, let me say it again. fuck my parents. i would never, ever regard them as parents in my heart. fucking assholes.
i've beared to much. i kept too much to myself. it's not like i don't want to talk to anyone. i just couldn't find anyone real to talk to. no one could ever understand how i feel. even you guys reading this now may think i'm a nut-case talking rubbish cuz i got no topic to write about. yeah, fuck that.
i tried too hard, till each day that passes by just adds on to my misery.
how wonderful it'll be to live in a fairy-tale, everything would be beautiful. but in this real world, everything turns out ugly, well, at least for me.
Sunday, January 08, 2006 . 3:17 PM
its been raining everyday. i absolutely love it! i jogged about 2.4km on friday for a charity event in my school and my legs still feel numb. its been long since i exercised and i feel proud of myself! weee....i won like 12 games in a row at dota and it's starting to get boring for me. that's why i'm playing stickman rpg now... lolx. that game is radical! i spent like 4 hours on it... hahas.
well, we're good friends now but i really hope she'll come back to me soon...
life has been good since i decided to stop a few things like playing music. totally meaningless to me now. even though i still listen to what i listen normally to get my fix, playing music seemed totally pointless. sometimes you can't the right people to do your thing, and when you do, they just left. yeah. so fuck it man. i rather enjoy my life now. hell yeah!
actually i don't understand why many people hate taking surveys. i totally loved them! it gives the feeling of being inerviewed. haha. i love taking quizzes too. i took two meaningful ones at quizfarm.com.
i'm gonna rear hamsters again! i'm bored and those cute lovely animals bought me joy in the past! i miss them now! haha. gonna buy some online now... will be back to update more stuff.
btw, daryl, i linked you already. link me too!!!!
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Saturday, January 07, 2006 . 10:59 PM
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Wednesday, January 04, 2006 . 9:08 PM
the bus ride home was horrible. i kept holding back my tears but still they were flowing. i knew people were looking so i covered my face. i held on till i alighted. everywhere i go it would remind me of our past. the things we used to do, the sweet memories we share. my eyes turned red when i saw the place where i first held your hands two years back. i tried my best. i've given my all. all i hope for is you to spend more time with me. maybe you're happier without me now. if its true then that's all right. to see you living the way you wanted, living joyfullly, somehow in my heart i'll be happy too.my birthday wish was hoping that you could spent more time with me. my christmas wish was hoping that we would never be apart. i prayed so hard. i really did. i kept crying myself to sleep. i hoped that that fateful day would never come. i kept lying to myself things will be alright in the new year. but it never was.
our memories kept spinning in my mind. that feeling of lonliness kept piercing through my heart. i really could not accept the fact that you're gone. the whole day i kept encouraging myself to keep holding and moving on, so that someday we could be together again.
i'm really happy to have you by my side all these years. you made me feel special. i still remembered that rainy day when we first shared an unbrella, that special night when we first kissed. i really want to thank you for pulling me up when i was really down, standing by me even you know i was wrong. i apologise as i feel i didn't do enough for you. sometimes which i know i could do better but i didn't. i'm sorry.
i missed those days when we quarrel. its been so many months since we had a fight. quarrels break my heart, but at the same time, it drew me closer to you. i feel i can never never live without you. i cross my heart and swear to die, you'll always be the only one i truly loved in my life.
still, i love you and i always will.
