Sunday, January 15, 2006 . 12:35 PM

okay, i went drinking last night after work with adam,alan and irene. i got very drunk as usual. its been so long since i touched beer. after many rounds of carlsberg, they got a bottle of tequila. i drank a few shots and got really high. all the time i was uttering her name, kept taking out my phone hoping she would leave me a message. while i was playing darts, i felt like taking one and just cut myself. i'm so useless, i can't even win her heart back. no matter what i do, her response is the same. her reaction was cold, so cold that it froze my heart forcing tears coming out from my eyes.

its been a torture. i'm taking it the hard way to learn how to love somebody. now that i know, i do cherish her, she's gone. last few days i learnt that i can't turn back time. if she's mine, i really hope that she would return to me in the future. i guess i'll have to let nature takes its course now. no use worrying so much. whether as her boyfriend or good friend, i'll be there for her, i promise.

in this post, i really wanna thank adam, alan and irene for taking care of me last night. all of them were constantly consoling me. i ought to buy you drinks next saturday. sorry and thank you. thanks for being there when i really needed someone to talk to.

i vomited all over the place outside the lounge. it's such a mental torture when you fall out of love and be drunk at the same time. i vomitted again outside my house. i remember standing there and cry for 20 minutes before going into my house. i undressed and jumped onto my bed. before i cried to sleep again, i whispered " good night darling ", just like i do every night, just like i did in the past.

baby i realise the only way to truly love you is to let you go. if you ever need me, just gimme a call... all the best to your future happiness. i'll still be there for you like always.

if you're happy, i'll be happy too.
if you're sad, i'll be there for you.

i love you and i always will.