Thursday, December 15, 2005 . 8:07 PM

i have a fear of losing you. i fear we would never be together again. my heart feels like a fallen leaf on stagnant water, waiting to sink deeply and never resurface again. i never took you for granted. i really try my best to give you my all. when good things come god is too quick to take my everything away. i always cherish those little times we spent together. everything seemed so real to me now. the ghost of myself start haunting me, letting out an evil laughter. despising me and kicking me even when i'm in pain. even when i cry.

what i have now is memories of our past. i do remember every little thing we did. they are the tissues to my tears. besides the ever sweet memories, i have nothing now. i feel so empty, feel so depressed. i'm really tired forcing myself to smile at people everyday when every moment i feel like crying out loud.

i wish one day my tears run dry and i would never cry and better be blind. i wish one day my ears would bleed so i never have to hear anything again. i'm really not afraid to die. god would you be so kind to grant my wish of dying in my sleep? so that i never have to wake up feeling depressed, forcing myself to smile, wanting to cry every moment and thinking of you every second.

i would take those memories with me, they were the best days of my life.